NEW MUSIC FIND (March 17, 2015)

MUSE- PSYCHO

LINK: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UqLRqzTp6Rk

Oh my god, you guys. I saw this song recommended by one of my favorite Youtuber's on his twitter. I find this alternative rock song one of the best in a while. It's really cool and I like the vibe it gives. Although I think the lyrics could've been done better. It's perfect, nonetheless.

Five out of five.

New Music Find (January 25, 2015)

Dead! - Alaska

LINK:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oTM2uY9NKVQ

A lot of My Chemical Romance fans claim this new band from South Hampton sounded like them. I actually agree cause I hear little similarities in the guitar riffs and vocal style between the two bands. I hear that they DID take a lot of influence from MCR but they do have their own style and have a more pop punk feel. Hopefully, I get to watch this band evolve. They do sound really good. This song is from their recently released debut album, "Tu Me Manques".

Oh, hey. I haven't posted in a while. Almost forgot this blog even existed. Haha. Kidding.

Anyway, a lot has happened since my last post (aka pre-Korea trip post). Firstly, I AM A SENIOR NOW. Geez. Time went by so fast. It's also currently the last semester of the school year. So basically what I'm trying to say is…I am graduating in a few months. Well, hopefully. Obviously I still need to pass all my classes. Imma do my best to survive. So yeah. That's what I've been occupied with since my last post. 

Oh, by the way, I deleted a lot of my previous posts. I've re-read most of them and they all seemed so negative and upsetting. So yeah. Got rid of 'em to out the bad vibes. I've been trying so hard to do new things and as cliche as it sounds, be happy. I think I've been succeeding, too. I've had better control of my anxiety and been a bit better with being social and stuff like that. It's probably because I've also had a lot more positive influences lately. So I guess that's good.

Lastly, I wanna say that I'll try my best to post more blog entries. I think this is quite an effective way of release. I'll try to post more new music finds too. I miss those. I've found a lot of good stuff while I was gone, from both indie and mainstream artists. Hopefully, I also get to start a new tag so I can keep things interesting. Wish me luck on that.

I never know how to end posts.

Stay awesome.

It's official. Well, I think it is at least. I'm going to Korea on April, although it's for an educational and cultural purpose. I was supposed to go last year but I wasn't of legal age yet. I have the requirements and all. I'll just have to wait for the travel agency to process everything. I get kind of a good mood just thinking about it. I mean, it's not really the first foreign country I'll be visiting. But Korea is really special place to me. I grew up watching and learning from Korean shows. And was still wayyyy before the Hallyu wave was popular and the number of Koreans studying English in our country was minimal. I remember being so intrigued by their customs and practices. The concept of having a royal family, the power of the chaebols, and their driven and hardworking nature. I can even read and speak super basic Korean. I think they're great even though I can pinpoint a couple of flaws in how their society is run. To me, as long as it doesn't affect their economy and deprive others of further development, the system is still effective. Anyway, I have literally waited all my life for this. 

I think the best part of going there is getting to go without my parents. I mean, I don't really have an issue spending time with them but I've been very dependent on them all my life. For the first time ever, I      get to be myself fully. I don't plan on going crazy or whatever. I still have my professors guiding me and my friends to be with. I can't really explain it or express it properly. It's just a really big deal to me.

I guess the purpose of this post is just for me to release my thoughts and feelings about it.

just putting it out there.

Isn't it funny when people say "Don't do that. Stop that. It's bad for you." when they discover that you intentionally purge, self-harm, or whatnot. It's like, wow. I didn't know that. Thank you. You have cured me forever.

Instead, why don't they say, "If ever you have problems, you can always talk to me. I can't really say I understand everything you're going through and that I agree with what you do to yourself because I really don't but know that I am always here for you. That's what being friends are for, right? We're gonna get through this together."

It's more comforting and it cheers us troubled ones up. Even for just the tiniest bit. Because it lets us know that someone actually cares. Because there have been one too many circumstances where people just brush it off and act like it's nothing and that is just a slap in the face.

I will be alright. Hopefully.

I don't know what to say.

Ever felt so mad at something but have no one to blame but yourself? But it's not really your fault too so you become extremely frustrated and upset and just end up crying.

I've always believed that people can do whatever they wanted but in return, deal with the consequences as well. That trip was supposed to be the highlight of this year. I've always pictured it to be one of the best things to ever have experienced. I left in the midst of the most crucial part of the semester though I did make sure to finish everything before leaving. All the requirements and papers were done. I had so much confidence. I was naive and I was wrong.

I left sacrificing a presentation and a quiz. Little did I know how much that weighed on my grades. Now, I'm not really one to worship grades because those are really just numbers and don't really define you as a whole. I even used to shamelessly fail classes. However, I really did go through a transition stage when I failed some classes in my first years of college and had to retake classes. It hit me hard. I realized that even though grades aren't important as a person, it IS very important if I want a decent enough future with the kind of lifestyle I'm living.

I broke down in class today. First time I ever cried for a grade. My grade went from a 94 to an 86 in a span of days. I don't really know whether to accept it or not. I don't really have a choice. It's just that, I REALLY REALLY DID DO MY BEST AT EVERYTHING BEFORE I LEFT. I kept revising and editing until I was pleased with my work and was still able to submit everything before the deadline. Sometimes even on the same day that the task was given. I thought I was at the height of my motivation.

The sudden flow of extra work happened during my trip. I missed everything. Upon return, I was rushing because I had much to do. It was too much and too sudden to process, I guess. I was crap. I almost did nothing right when I came back. Even right now, I'm still trying to let it sink in that that heaven of a vacation is over. That I still have another week of work as a student before the semestral break called the exam week. But to make it short, I failed myself.

That trip. That trip that was supposed to be nothing but a cause of happiness and celebration has caused me my grade. Sometimes I wish I didn't go. If I only knew how much that trip would cause my grade, I wouldn't have went in the first place. Even if it was my grandmother and I's birthday. But I didn't know and I went.  So now I'm in a dilemma.

Wow. Days after my special day, adulthood has already smacked me in the shin.

a 'lil poem

how can a person be so insecure towards others
but act infinitely superior with friends?

annoying.